


Oh, If I Could Go Back in Time

by mariette



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Little bit of angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, just a tiny bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariette/pseuds/mariette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "Imagine what Bucky and Steve think about before they fall asleep."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, If I Could Go Back in Time

**Author's Note:**

> Works title is from "the one that got away" by the civil wars.
> 
> So this is a two chapter deal here. First chapter is from Bucky's POV (kind of) and the second chapter is going to be Steve's.

When he was 12 years old, he and Steve would make their own makeshift fort in the living room. Bucky would lay there thinking about the adventures they’d had for the day. Running down to the convenient store with the nickel Steve’s mom gave them for helping around the house. Buying a stick of gum and splitting it between the two of them. They’d sit on the curb and watch the other kids run by kicking a soccer ball in the street. Bucky would throw an arm over Steve’s tiny shoulders and grin. 

“Nice day ain’t it, Stevie?” he’d ask. Steve would nod and smile back at him. Bucky loved thinking about that smile before he slept. Kept the dreams light and happy. Kept him light and happy.

When he was 16, Bucky slept on Steve’s couch. He’d think about the job that paid him money he could barely keep. His mind would race around trying to figure out his next meal. Is it another can of beans tomorrow night? Barely that? Steal from the store again? What’s a guy ‘spose to do when this goes down the shitter? Gonna sit on some fuckin’ curb waiting for a rich guy to walk by so his shoes can get shined?

“You’re thinking too hard,” Steve would say. 

“Thinking too hard keeps me on my toes,” he’d fire back.

When he was 20 he would barely get any sleep. He’d lay in Steve’s tiny bed holding him as the skinny blond would shake violently. He’d think, “Oh god. This is it. This is the night it happens. What am I gonna do? I’d have to pay for the funeral, obviously. But what about rent? Food? Shit. I’m going to have to crawl in the damn casket with him.” Coughs would rupture his thought process. Bucky would curl his arms around Steve. Lulling him back to sleep with mumbled words of, “S’alright, Steve shhh. You’re gonna be jus’ fine, right? Gonna wake up tomorrow and have a nice bowl of soup. Maybe I’ll take you outside for a walk around the block if it ain’t too cold for ya,” Course’ that was an empty promise. It’s always too cold for Steve in the winter. Not only that but Bucky would be working most of the day. It terrified him to no end leaving Steve at home during the winter but what can he do? He’s gotta have the money. Bucky spends every waking moment thinking about this shit. Steve would eventually drift off to sleep. But Bucky? Bucky would stay up until the crack of dawn worrying to no end about Steve. Cause’ that’s always what he did.

When he left for the war all he could think about was Steve cold and dying in their piece of shit apartment. At this point if any sleep was happening it was if someone actually knocked him out. Did Steve take his medication? Can he even tell what color they are? What if he takes the wrong ones? Wait no they’re different shapes, aren’t they? Is he eating anything? He’s not sacrificing his food for that fuckin’ homeless man sleeping in the alley again is he? He’s going to die of starvation. Shit. He’s going to have an asthma attack before that happens. Breathe, Steve. Breathe.

When he was captured and tortured by Hydra he couldn’t really think at all. His mind was mostly black with only a few things repeated in his head. His name, his numbers, his rank. Name, numbers, rank. Name, numbers, rank, Steve. Steve. Steve. Name. Steve. Numbers. Steve. Rank. Steve. Black again.

When The Winter Soldier took over his mind he thought nothing. He was nothing. Sometimes a memory would pass through his mind. But then he would just feel cold again. He felt empty. At least that’s what he thought he felt.

When he regained his memories he’d find himself lying awake next to Steve. More times than none he is plagued by the memories of what the Winter Soldier did to his victims. But on the good nights Bucky thinks about Steve and how lucky the two of them are. 70+ years apart and they still managed to find their way back to each other. It put a smile on his face and smiles certainly aren’t something that happened often. Moments like these are worth them, though. He thought back to his early life with Steve. It made knots in his stomach. Nickel for a piece of gum? Stealing from a store? Jesus. Was it honestly that easy. No. It wasn’t easy. Steve was on his deathbed every day of his life. Steve wasn’t like that anymore. He could take care of himself. Hold himself upright. Breathe right. See properly. The old Bucky would sleep a lot better knowing that. But he’s not the old Bucky anymore. He’s the new Bucky. The Bucky that stays awake for completely different reasons. Like hearing the screams, seeing the blood, feeling the cold again. The echoes of his old life slipping through and making nostalgia a demon to him.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Steve whispered. Bucky looked down to see Steve’s sleepy eyes staring at him. Bucky shifted on his side and faced Steve.

“Keeps me on my toes,” he sighed. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and pressed him as close to him as he could. Steve pressed a soft kiss on the brunet’s forehead.

“You don’t need to be on your toes anymore, Buck. You can rest now.”


End file.
